(DO) I love God! (?)

The other day I found myself saying "I love you, God!" -- then realized I couldn't remember the last time I'd told Him that. Seriously! And for the next few days I sensed Him challenging me as if to say Do you realize what you just said?! & Do you know what that really means?! - & If you do, are you sure you mean it?!. ..Yikes!

Last wk I posted "Give AND Take/Do Something" re: worship & how I sensed a need for more giving as opposed to taking advantage of the grace God so freely gives (balance). A comment "there" motivated me to read "Crazy Love". Can't say I enjoyed it bc it was SO convicting & challenged me to ask myself Do I really LOVE God ? - & - Am I pleasing God (passionate!) or disgusting Him (lukewarm!)?. I discussed my tho'ts at length w/ my husband on Sat & then, on Sunday I wondered what everyone else in church was doing while Pastor preached to me?!

I know that grace - pure & simple - should motivate me to serve God - but I wrestle here bc often I serve Him out of guilt - knowing I should rather than bc I want to. But, when I serve God bc the desire/delight(!) of my heart is to honor & please & thank Him, only then does what I do for Him even remotely seem to resemble the LOVE He desires from me.

I believe this love should "look like" how I love my husband (& he's an ex. that helps me better understand how Christ loves me!). When I do something for him bc I feel obligated to, I tend to do the least amount of work possible in order to feel like I've "fulfilled my obligation". But, when I really want to honor, please & show him how grateful I am for & to him, I take extra time, spare no expense & I go the extra mile to pay attention to details that will help him to know the intent of my heart. Both are a response to all He does for me - but only one is done out of true love.

I seek balance in almost every aspect of my life, in part bc I "see it" in the intricate/fragile balance of creation/nature & in God's Word - bc I believe God has revealed Himself to us in both His Word & His Works. But - long story short - after "all of this" I realize God's grace (The cross!) is SO amazing/EXTREME(!) that I could never possibly do enough to "balance that scale" & attempting to do so should not be my motivation to serve Him. Yet I also realize that bc His grace is SO extreme, I could never be too extreme in attempting to show God how much I love Him in response to all He's done/given/sacrificed for me (grace!) by serving Him/others (doing/sacrificing/giving) toward that end - & so perhaps that's how I know I'm falling extremely short in that regard.

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
Revelation 3:15 & 16

He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "
Luke 10:27

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.
Romans 12:1